What follows is a personal life experience, shared in the spirit of friendship and in the hope of helping others avoid similar pitfalls to achieve true joy.
This story begins in a typical, middle class family with three children. My mom was “religious” and took us from our dad, so she could be closer to her dad, and in doing so sent our whole family down an unhappy path. My dad, instead of taking responsibility and exercising his God-given authority over her demands to break-up our family, allowed her to lead the marriage. The consequences of my dad’s cowardice and my mom’s disobedience and selfish choices for our family eventually led to my mom being formally diagnosed as mentally ill (schizophrenic and manic depressed).
She played the blame game. It was always someone else’s fault, never hers. Placing the blame on us led her to abusing us both physically and mentally. That in turn led to my mom to believe we were devil-possessed, while ignoring her own penchant for listening to the bad voices inside her own head.
My dad coped with this insane nightmare by drinking alcohol and working all the time. We spent very little time with my dad because mother was jealous of us having a good relationship with him. Today I believe everything happens for a reason, and can be for the greater good if it is viewed from a spiritual perspective. The same certainly applies to the upbringing personally experienced.
It was an unhappy situation always feeling like the odd one out, with my mom showing favoritism toward my older sister and dad doing the same with with my younger sister. In a desperate attempt to escape my home life, lust took over and I became pregnant and married to a selfish man who would not provide for nor protect me or his son. Unbeknownst to me, I drove him into the arms of other women with my possessive jealousy, mistaken to be love. This behavior had attracted a man who was a thief, drug user and drug dealing, addicted to sex, and verbally and physically abusive to me and his son. All of this hurt all of us deeply. Again desperate for help, I was baptized into the church and became religious, seeking God and the answers to why the marriage was failing. With those religious teachings in hand I decided my husband was the problem, so I divorced him.
Still looking for love, in all the wrong places with all the wrong character defects, it wasn’t long before getting married again. I remained in that unhappy marriage for 29 years. The way the misery was coped with was by drinking and becoming a career-minded workaholic in the beauty industry, while learning how to “wear the pants in the relationship”. Over the next 23 years hundreds of women shared similar stories of failed marriages that for reasons that sounded all too familiar. Clearly this type of self-serving behavior was destroying the family unit. These women divorced their husbands and would almost always take the children, only to remarry again and end up once again in an unhappy situation. This common, recurring theme made it easy to feel victimized, blaming others for my personal choices just like my mom had done.
Society had taught me to be a woman’s lib fan (a man hater who acts like a man). And the emphasis on being an independent woman turned out to be a curse rather than a blessing, because it could never attract a God-fearing man who naturally commanded the authority, leadership and respect that engenders obedience. It’s easy to be deceived into thinking you’ve got it all together and can take care of yourse’f when your’e running a successful business, going church al the time and attending Al-anon. Truth was it all added up to an even more unhappy relationship because it was all a lie that was destined to eventually fail. And that’s exactly what happened, as hope dwindled and that marriage also ended in divorce.
Less than a year later the cycle repeated itself with another engagement to another man addicted to sex and porn. Counseling at church provided little to no results. Fortunately God had mercy on me and helped me rise above the insanity for a moment and call off the engagement.
So, after two painful divorces and a failed engagement, I came to the realization I could not attract a man who would love me the way love should be without doing something different. It was painfully obvious my approach and priorities needed to change. The only way to attract a husband who was striving to be Christ-like was to learn to be submissive rather than “independent”.
By this time I was emotionally spent and not interested in another relationship. Realizing that I WAS THE PROBLEM changed everything. If you are hoping to attract a truly masculine man who is following Christ’s example, you need to become a truly feminine woman. The alternative was to continue emasculating men which wasn’t working for me because that approach can never attract a real man. And worse than that, it was hampering my spiritual growth. Determined to find a solution, I turned to my Creator earnestly in prayer and laid the whole problem before Him, so He could teach and guide me.
Shortly after this I went to work part time for a women named Debra, who kept insisting I meet her contractor named Mark. She would show me pictures of him and she told me things about him like he would not work on Saturday and if he did anything on that day he did not charge for it. This rang a bell with me and sparked just enough interest to allow her to give him my phone number. He did not call right away as she said he always did and she became worried. I would ask her “please don’t worry, if he doesn’t call back it is not meant to be”.
God doesn’t waste any time when He knows you are ready and I was ready for good change. The first call came and I kindly informed MarkI did not wish to waste his time nor mine on a relationship that would not work so first things first. I kindly ask him about his relationship with Christ. Complete silence fell on the other end of the phone. I thought I had lost him, and then he gave a logical clear answer, with out going into details: Christ was the most important relationship in his life. That sounded good but now I was looking for proof of that which did not take long as he lead the relationship with healthy boundaries and we were soon married in the Bridal Chamber.
After being married to this real man I found genuine lessons, that really changed things for the better like this extraordinary little book entitled “How To Attract A Real Man” This book has given me new ways to view relationships and new things to put into practice which have helped our marriage all the more. It is highly recommended that all ladies read this treasured book full of God’s Wisdom.
In conclusion: Through the techniques used throughout this amazing little book you can live a liberated life, just as our Creator has intended for us to live. This is the ONLY way I have found that actually works. And it can help you too, if you’re ready to make a change for the better.